And so it begins. I created this domain name on Blogger over a year ago and it has just been sitting, waiting and fearing to be written...to be started. Recently, I have come to some stark realizations about myself and my life and I have discovered some scary things. I won’t bore you with the details of those “things” now since that is not the purpose of the Introduction, but I will tell you the gist - I am not happy (yikes! I wasn’t kidding about “stark”).
I haven’t been happy for a long time, not really, and if you're feeling a little bit awkward about that statement right now, just imagine my state of mind when I made the realization a few days ago - admitting this to myself was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do....and I've dealt with some pretty hard stuff in my 28 years of life. There are many reasons why I'm at this place and probably many more that I haven’t even come to discover yet and that will only unfold
with time...with effort. What I
do know is that I am a very fortunate person with many things going for me and
many people around me who genuinely love me and want the best for me. You’d
think that would be enough to make someone happy, right? Wrong.
I think it all comes down to love. I can give it to everyone (and sometimes every “thing” [insert probably unhealthy personification of most inanimate objects here]) under the sun...except for, myself. The Meyers-Briggs personality test labelled me an ENFJ (extrovert, intuitive, feeling, judging). This basically means I react to everything emotionally rather than logically, I’m super good at loving everyone else/seeing the best in people even when they don’t deserve it and also super great at holding myself to an impossible standard of perfection (collective, “Yikes”?). I’m sure you can see how this could be a problem.
Clearly, I can’t go on like this - something’s gotta give...and something did...aaaaand now I’m really pissed (I even typed in a few swear words here...and subsequently deleted them...but don’t be fooled – PISSED!). I have decided to confront my biggest bully and take her down - not with physical force, mind you (I don’t believe in violence), but by tattle-tailing...tattle-tailing to everyone I know!
So, I blog. HELLO WORLD!
(take that you